Let’s not mince words here. I’ve can be a pretty shit friend. I meet someone, have a great time or conversation, want to spend more time with them, then just dis-the-fuck-appear. There are entire social scenes where I’m like Bigfoot. My appearances are rare, the proof is blurry, and no one actually believes it happened. “Maybe it was a bear” they’ll say. I understand that in the modern era this has become known as ghosting and I think that is shockingly appropriate.
I think part of the reason I keep doing this is because of self esteem. Why let them know I’m a pile of neurotic garbage when I can leave them thinking I’m an aloof asshole? It’s not that I WANT to do this exactly. I really do love being around people and spending time with them but the amount of energy it takes for me to get out there and be personable is in short supply the older I get. My physical health goes down hill along with my mental health. I enjoy my time out but after a few hours I just want to go home and stare at the ceiling while I feel my cells dying one by one. Sure it’s not a great way to spend you time, but we can’t all live the rock and roll life style.
I do want to change though. I know that if I keep this up I’ll find myself old and alone and full of regrets. Well, here’s to getting myself back out there. If I know you and it seems like I ghosted you, I’m sorry. I’ve been having a hell of a time and if there’s any way we can fix this, then I’d like to start now.