An Ending and a Beginning

I’ve posted this on Facebook and Twitter all ready, but I need to speak at length some where.

On Friday my girlfriend was keeping me company and we had plans for lunch. After work we were going to drive out to hospice and visit my dad. He’d been in for a week and had become lethargic and restless by turns. He wasn’t really aware of where he was or what was going on. Shortly before noon I had a call on my cellphone. My father had just passed away. The next few minutes were a blur. I made phone calls and hit the road.

I got to the hospice around noon and went back to his room. I asked Kit to wait outside for me. I went in and saw my father. He was pale. He was still a bit warm. I kept thinking he’d open his eyes and turn his head to speak. I cried. I cried for a good while. I smoothed his hair and spoke to him. I apologized for not being there. I kissed him on the forehead and began packing his things. My finally words before leaving were “Be good.” We drove to the funeral home in Morton that afternoon and met my Aunt Betty Faye and my cousin Danny and we began making arrangements. That night myself, Kit, Mike, and Warren went to Jeff and Tiny’s and spent time with friends and ate. Far too much food for two men was sent home with us.

Saturday was a blur. I think we spent most of the day at home. Paul and Emily came out, Mike got off work, and we all went to the visitation. I saw some relatives and my friends kept my spirit up. I saw my dad again. The funeral home did wonders with him. When he died my father looked terrible. Laying there in the casket he looked like he would sit up and ask why they didn’t have a TV in the room and when was Pawn Stars coming on. Afterward, Warren, Mike, myself and Kit headed over to the Indian place back in Jackson.

Sunday was the funeral. My cousin Glenn performed the service. My friends and Danny and his son were the pallbearers. My friends have actually now put both my parents in the ground.

It’s been rough the past week. I don’t know what I’d do if it weren’t for my friends and Kit. They’ve practically carried me through this.

I find myself coming in the living room and when I don’t find him there it hits me all over again.

It’s gonna be a long rest of my life. . .

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3 Comments

  1. My parents died just over a year ago, about three weeks apart. It was a rough year. My advice is, sit quiet every day and cherish your life with him. Remember everything. Writing helped in my journal helped me. I still cry once in awhile, but none of the tears are bitter. You have my condolences.

  2. My condolences to you. This is a very rough time for you now, but it will ease. Having good friends around you makes things bearable, as you have already discovered. Hold on to their friendship, as well as the memories of good times with your father. It’s the unguarded moments when we imagine sharing something with them and then remember that we can’t, that are the worst now, but in time, the bad days will decrease and the good ones will increase, so hang in there. Best of luck.

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