Last night I watched “Quantum of Solace”. I enjoyed it for the most part but, like the title, I have no idea what in the nine hells was going on! I didn’t realize that until Warren pointed it out. We did come to a very interesting conclusion though. James Bond is not a secret agent. He’s a natural disaster and the most deadly sexually transmitted disease known to man.
Let’s take a look at it for a minute. In QoS James comes to any given location, Italy for example, and within ten minutes it lies decimated and littered with the dead. Even churches are destroyed. Mike suggested that it wasn’t Katrina that hit the coast. That’s a cover story for Bond vacationing in Biloxi and New Orleans. Since this seemed to set a riffing mood, I was on the verge of making a comment about Haiti when I’ll be damned if James doesn’t head straight for Port au Prince and proceed to work his magic. Five minutes later there’s a wrecked hotel, coffins lining a street, and boating accidents left and right. That’s right. James Bond may well be the source of all global catastrophes. Don’t even get me started on the building toward the end. Five SECONDS inside and it’s all ready on fire and exploding! FIVE SECONDS!!
Then there’s the poor women. Oh God, the women. In these new films every woman James is sexually involved with is killed in some horrible, brutal, or depressing manner. The only women in it he didn’t sleep with were the Bolivian woman and M and they both lived. What does that say? It says that this man’s “area” should be marked as HAZMAT and sealed under two miles of concrete. Women should carry a gun JUST for 007. M pointed out herself that women seem to lose their minds and do anything for him. The hell, man?! The hell?!
That being said, I’m putting a call out to everyone. I want this man stopped! Bring me the head of James Bond, agent 007 for the safety of the masses!
Unless he’s actually a Time Lord. In that case we’ve got seven more Regenerations before he can be stopped. In which case someone find his TARDIS or something. STAT!